Guys can't win

[TDE]

OKay I was talking with one of my buddies and he had to show me this and well I laughed and well I think its true. So here is a story time. Have fun guys:

 

Story time:

 

So my wife's 22 birthday is coming up and i realized that the longer you're together with someone, the harder it is to get them a gift.  i mean, wouldn't you think it would be easier as time went by?  you get to know them better, you understand what they like, what they don't like, their favorite color, how they dress, etc etc etc...

 

but NOOOO...it gets harder.  so to all you guys out there in new relationships, here's what i learned over the years so you can be better prepared than me.

 

buying a gift for your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife is like reverse Who Wants to be a Millionaire.  remember that show?  it used to be a hit but i think they moved it to TBS where all tv shows go to die.  but to refresh your memory, you answer a series of question and win more and more money.  but there are these points called milestones, where even if you get it wrong, you can't take home less than that amount.

 

that's right...you can't go lower than those milestones.  but with relationships, it's the REVERSE.  you don't take home money, no instead, you have to give it out....forever....FOREVER.  once you hit a certain bar in your gift, you can never give a lesser gift.

 

so basically if you spent $100 on your girlfriend, sorry buddy..for the REST of YOUR LIFE, you have to continue to spend at least $100.  if you spent $500, forever $500.  FOREVER.

 

ok ok - so it's not all about money.  but girls love gifts that take time.  stupid jar full of origami stars, sc##p books, photo albums, mix tapes, handmade stuffed animals, buildings....and that's the same too.  if you spent 4 hours on a sc##p book, and then the next holiday you gave her a framed picture that took you 10 minutes to put together, you're DEAD.  that's right DEAD.  if you spent 4 hours, you have to spend at least 5 on the next...and so on and so forth.  so on your golden anniversary, you better have spent the last 25 years working on the anniversary gift.

 

and it doesn't end there.  there are many criteria:

 

    - amount of money

    - time you spent

    - thoughtfulness factor

    - how it's presented

    - how it matches the point of the relationship

    - how it represents that you were paying attention to her at 4am in the morning when she called you cause she was lonely and needed someone to talk and nonchalantly, though strategically, mentioned the expensive purse she really wanted.

 

now, normally, there would be a guideline here on how to manage the situation.  like a map of how to distribute the cost factors evenly so that when you're on your 5 year anniversary, you're not selling your left kidney (the right one you sold on the 3rd anniversary)....but nooooo....i'm here to tell you...simply

 

THERE'S NO ESCAPE

 

cause if you want to keep that girl...you have to pay attention to the subliminal messages they leave you.  that's right!  THEY'RE SUBLIMINAL.

 

for example - if they want a certain purse, wallet, clothing, elephant that they really wanted - watch carefully.  cause it doesn't have to be their birthday, day of their wedding, valentine's day or anything for you to figure out what they want.  THIS IS HAPPENING 24-7 - they are CONTINUALLY telling you what they want.  Why else would they get upset last christmas when you got them Phil Jackson of the Los Angeles Laker's Autobiography.  so be on the lookout and be on your friggin toes!!!  but here are some tell-tale signs to figure out what they want on the next gift giving occasion, or when you screw up and you need to find something to move out of the dog house.

 

    "ooh, this bag is nice.  oh, but it's too expensive."

    translation: you better get this for me

 

    "did you hear about [insert her friends name]'s boyfriend?  he made a sc##pbook for her"

    translation: you better make a sc##pbook that's 10x better and give it to me

 

    "hmm...i wouldn't ever buy something like this for myself"

    translation: you better get this for me

 

    "i heard it's nice at this restaurant"

    translation: you better take me there

 

    "fiji is a cool name isn't it?"

    translation: you better buy tickets to there

 

    "oh wow, the moon is so bright."

    translation: you better buy tickets to there

 

bottomline - girls got us good.  i didn't realize all of this was going down until recently...and frankly, i know i'll continue to do this...joyfully.  you're a worthy adversary!!  *shakes fist in air*

 

so just a recap of the score, here's the tally of girls vs boys that i have been keeping track of so far:

 

Girls: 1, 274            Boys: .3

 

we got the .3 because we showered that one time.

[TetsuoShima]

lol

 

I know the type, but in my experience it really does depend on the girl in question. :D

That may not be all there is to it, I don't know, but I haven't had worries like these in a long time now. It's give and take in my book, if it's all take and no give she wants, then it's not a keeper. Plenty more fish in the sea as they say. Sure (hypothetically), there may be a girl who's worth everything to you, but as soon as it becomes a continuous aggravation, then it's no longer worth it imo. It's a two way road or it's no road at all and then in the end it will fail anyway, so better stop it sooner than later. No-one gets into my wallet (not that there's much in it anyway ;D ) unless I specifically want them too, I don't get forced into anything (or at least, not frequently). Been there, done that, didn't like it! :)

[QUEENSPOCK]

TDE is on to us

 

 

MAHAHAHAHAH  :P

[bones2097]

declare your self bankrupt....

 

::)

 

it always the answer... :)

 

or in my, case you'll turn to a life of crime.....

and they said drugs were the guaranteed way to get into

prison....  lol

 

dumb ass teachers they were in on it since the begging!!!

[TDE]

I think I should say that guys can win but its only for a short amount of time and we do something to mess it up, but of course. This story was shown to me by one of my cousins. It shows how a guy can win for a short of amount of time. Enjoy.

 

 

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

 

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

 

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

[bones2097]

yeah then the next day you get...

 

"What have you done for me lately??"

 

 

lol  good one!!