TetsuoShima Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 True story from a few years ago... User: How do I disable the antivirus software on my system? Me: Why on earth would you want to do that? User: Well, for two hours now I've been trying to open an e-mail attachment, and the antivirus keeps popping up with something about melissa, then won't let me open the e-mail. I don't even know a melissa, but I really want to open this e-mail.... Hey, why are you un-plugging my network cable? He had spent 2 hours trying to open an infected attachment.. Then called my boss (who told him he was an idiot) when I unplugged his laptop and took it away to give it a thorough virus scan before I'd let it back on my network. To this day, this particular user (in sales) keeps me busy trying to protect him from himself. -------------------------------------- "I don't have an "Enter" key". I wanted to reply to that with "well, i think the problem might just be between the keyboard and the chair", but I just couldn't. -------------------------------------- I receive a phone call from one of our customers who says, "I can't get on the internet?". I go into SNMP and the NMS we use, and I can see that the radio(wireless to ethernet converter) does not respond to a ping etc. I fire up the service truck and drive to the customers house, and when I get there, the customer and all of his neighbors are outside with brooms. I ask them what they are doing, and they reply"Chasing squirrels". I pay no mind and climb up on the roof to see what the deal is. I see that the shielded CAT5 cable was chewed thru completely, obviously by a small critter. As it turns out, there is a freakin' gaggle of squirrels living in the customers attic. The customer then decides that it is my responsibility to repair the cable AND remove the squirrels so that it doesn't happen again. As I am replacing the CAT5, one of the squirrels becomes aggressive, and decides that I am a little to close to it's home and starts to chatter and hiss at me while running back and forth on the ridge of the roof. At this point, one of the neighbors must have felt that this "killer squirrel" was going to do some serious harm to me, and he starts shooting at it with a pellet gun!, well needless to say, I got off the roof and in my truck and left, while I was still alive to do so!. I came back on Monday morning only to find that the squirrels chewed through the new cable too. I got really PO'ed and got some rat poison and mixed it with peanut butter. It did the job, and all of the squirrels were now in squirrel heaven. I repaired the CAT5 and all was good, until about a week later my truck started to stink with this un-godly smell?. As it turned out, while I was on the roof, the customer took all the dead squirrels and threw them on my truck "under" the big toolbox. When I called him up, his comment was, "Well what did You expect me to do with them?, they were Your problem, NOT MINE!" ---------------------------------- just got off the phone with this one... screener: this guy can't surf and said he hasn't been able to download movies all day me: oh well you should tell him we won't let him download movies because it's illegal. screener: oh ok, thanks, bye! me: NO NO WAIT, I WAS KIDDING! screener: oh ok... (half laughs ----------------------------------- I was at a client site a few weeks to, once again, clean adware/spyware from a certain user's PC. I sit at her desk and see the very edge of some open windows that have been dragged off-screen. I drag them back over to the desktop and they are messages from Microsoft AntiSpyware. I asked her why she was dragging the windows offscreen and she said that she didn't know how to answer the questions about whether or not system changes should be allowed or blocked. Fair enough. I explained to her that she should probably just go ahead and block most system changes...especially if they occur while she is using her web browser. The she hits me with the punchline. "Oh," she says, "But sometimes it's fun to see what the changes do!" ----------------------------------- this happened to a guy I work with support: (in a normal speaking speed) thank you for calling... yadda yadda yadda... customer: STOP SPEAKING SO FAST! support: (slowing down significantly) Thank you for calling... customer: THAT WASN'T NECESSARY! I WILL DO THE SPEAKING! I AM IN CHARGE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?! support: Yes. customer: AHHHH! YOU INTERRUPTED ME! *click* ------------------------------------- Me: can I start with your name please. Customer: yaa i got a refrence number blah blah blah Me: Nice to meet you refrence number. _____________ Next customer Me: Ok can I get your address please. Customer: Please slow down I dont understand this computer jargon, Im not ver computer illiterate. Me: You mean you are illiterate? _____________ Next customer customer: Im a network engineer. me:OMG KILL ME NOW customer: we already rebooted the computer once last year and it was fine and now after 6 months its slow and having problems I know its not software because of the reboot 6 months ago. me: (hangsup) -------------------------------------- rinkworks.com/stupid/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waelabdo Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 hahahahaha nice stuff and here it is a conversation that happened in front of my eyes at the computer mall between a customer © and a seller (S) S : may i help you C : i want a powerfull Display Card for my son cause he is a gamer. S : (so he showed him a powerfull one and told him this one is powerfull enough that he wont need to update for a year or may be more) C : so what its price ? S : it is .....$ C : this one is good, how many wallpapers built-in that card ? S : execuse me ? C : ... (you imagine the rest ) ................. :D have fun snake_eyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philly Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 This post was just asking for it... Homer: Welcome to the Internet. How may I help you? Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration? Homer (after staring blankly): Can I have some money now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philly Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Customers always coming in and asking for UPS cables.... to connect to their UPS printer...I always had to turn my head slightly and smirk just a little bit, honestly anyone that has worked selling computer related material has heard this one b4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quosego Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 hahahahaha nice stuff and here it is a conversation that happened in front of my eyes at the computer mall between a customer © and a seller (S) S : may i help you C : i want a powerfull Display Card for my son cause he is a gamer. S : (so he showed him a powerfull one and told him this one is powerfull enough that he wont need to update for a year or may be more) C : so what its price ? S : it is .....$ C : this one is good, how many wallpapers built-in that card ? S : execuse me ? C : ... (you imagine the rest ) ................. :D have fun snake_eyes Haha, You just made my day. Thnx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arktis Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Anyone else get called by older family members/relatives to do tech support for them? I do, on a regular basis. For me, it is a constant annoyance. Apparently I am the only one in my entire family who knows anything about computers. One particular time, I got a call from my mother. As I was talking her through a problem (I forget what) and instructing her step-by-step what menus and dialogues to navigate through, what to click, etc., she actually asks me: "How are you doing this?". To which my reply was "Doing what?". She says, "How can you see what is on my screen?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trekkiedane Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 ^Been there with my dad -lol Except he usually clicks something wrong and then I have to go over there anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyran Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 ^Been there with my dad -lol Except he usually clicks something wrong and then I have to go over there anyway... been there with my son lol now we use VNC saves time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilander72 Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Several years ago a customer walked in with a laptop. He tells me that it won't start anymore. I ask him. Have you damaged it somehow? Well, he had tried to start it and it started to make strange noises and smell bad... OK, let me have a look at it (obviously somethings wrong). As he pulls it out of the bag there is some kind of fluid dripping of the laptop. I ask him what's that. He answers. It's just some coffee I spilled over the laptop when I was driving... And a classic. Sometimes ppl are so exited that they make stupid things... Over the phone (a customer has bought a new computer yesterday) - The darn thing is broken. I've been trying to connect the cables and stuff alnight. - What happens when you press the power button? - Nothing, nothing at all, it's just dead... - Does the power led light up? - No. - What about your display? - It seems to work, but there's no picture at all. - OK, Have you checked the powercable? - He instantly respond, Yes of couse I have. - I respond. Well, check it anyway... - OK I'll check the powercable again. After a minute or two. I don't need your help anymore. I've SOLVED the problem MYSELF. It was some other cable that wasn't connected properly. Have any of you tried to install RAM using a plier? (I had a customer that tried and failed). A customer with a totally wrecked laptop. Can you give me an estimate to repair this? I ask him to follow me. How about an upgrade and pointed at a brand new one. BTW I hated my old job. Repairing computers and peripherials and help stupid/angry customers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyran Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 My cupholder keeps going in and spilling my coffee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyran Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 funny looking at the post above mine i love my job as a pc repairman always some new way of killing a pc revealed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philly Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 YEA lol you never know what ur going to find new everyday when you go into work haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trekkiedane Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Isn't this the kind of costumer you'd love? Thanx 2 ImageShack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weareborg Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 LOL they are all funny. Makes me laugh at how computer illiterate some people are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philly Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Actually there are ALOT of ppl that are computer illerate, I even have a few friends that are CURSED, IE when they just touch the keyboard something crashes etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilander72 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Actually there are ALOT of ppl that are computer illerate' date=' I even have a few friends that are CURSED, IE when they just touch the keyboard something crashes etc. [/quote'] Had a few of those... :( That's why i quit. :cyclops: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mateya Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 some of the favorite problem-solving "suggestions" for all occasions from computer illiterates: "Right click it!" "De-connect!" "Fix the cookies!" "De-boot it!" "Defragg it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thedrtim Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 Urban myth: my office guy at work allegedly once received a fax with a note on the bottom asking that the document be faxed back to the senders number as the sender needed to keep it when we were finished with it. VISIT: http://www.deadtroll.com/index2.html?/video/livehelldesk.html~content Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
werecow Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 i acually had this call one time doing DSL tech caller: my dsl dosent work me: ok where is your modem? caller: on top of my tower me: can you move it away from there so EMI dosent affect it? caller: no me: why not? caller: cause i used a 10 penny nail to nail it to the tower me: why would you do that? caller: because my dog keeps dragging it out into the yard and burying it it went downhill from there (BTW this caller nailed it to the top of a brand new G4 tower) another call i had caller: i loose sync every night @ the same time me: where is your modem? caller: on the window sill me: is there anything eletronic near it? caller: no just a streetlight just outside my window me: does it come on about the some time you loose sync? caller: yes hmmmm can you hang on a sec hears phone being laid down...door opens and shuts...then 3 or 4 gunshots..glass shattering..caller comes back to phone caller: its ok it works now!! thanks!!!! me:can you get back on your desktop? (hears shuffle shuffle) caller: ok i dont know how it will help but i am now standing on top of my desk.... and why dear God does it take a 25 yr old girl only 17 mins to set up her DSL when it takes a UCLA professor 1 1/2 hrs to do the exact same set up (and she had a router!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mav Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Person: "I'm having trouble using the cursor on the screen. I can't get it to move" Technician: "Ok ma'am, have you tried moving the mouse around or clicking anything with it?" Person: "What 'mouse'?" Technician: "The mouse? The small device that has two or more buttons, long cord that connects it to the back of the computer. Usually has a ball underneath it." Person: "Oh, you mean the foot peddle? I've been trying to move it but it doesn't seem to move too well on the carpet. I can't click anything with my toes either." Technician: "......" --- usually a variation thereof. classic story. probably the first little tech support joke i heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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