Annika Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 A call comes through on the customer service line. Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today? Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can you guide me through the process? CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed? Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first? CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am? Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running? CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am? Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now. CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am? Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased. Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal? CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message? Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed? CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Heart's in order to get the upgrades. Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do? CS Rep: What does the message say? Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean? CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others. Customer: So what should I do? CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"? Customer: Yes, I have it. CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this. Customer: Thank you. CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin. Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal? C Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go. Customer: Yes? CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you. Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name? CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Give a little love away ... keep in touch. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fenriswolf Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 *loves on Annika for that* Classic :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exterus Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Thinly disguised sentimental tripe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fenriswolf Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Thinly disguised sentimental tripe. You sound just like Londo ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exterus Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 You sound just like Londo ;) Haha. I'll take that as a compliment. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TetsuoShima Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 /me loves tenderly now :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fenriswolf Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 You sound just like Londo ;) Haha. I'll take that as a compliment. ;) I've met Peter Jurrasik and the moment I read that line, all I could hear in my head was Londo Mollari lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antilles Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 That made my day Annika, THANKS! :) Im off to Love myself! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mav Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Nice. Very nice. I wonder if I can dig up the old funny joke story about installing Girlfriend 1.0 onto your system which eventually evolves into Wife 2.0 or something. Quite hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annika Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 Google can find anything and everything ;) http://www.google.nl/search?hl=nl&q=install+girlfriend&meta= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceedj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Thanks for the link Annika; I blogged them for my own personal amusement. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GorunNova Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I liked it right up to the thinly veiled creator figure reference (i.e. direct plug of God)... but otherwise, it's great. Everyone needs some 'sentimental tripe' in their lives once in a while. ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pella Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 perfect. simply perfect ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest c4evap Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Thinly disguised sentimental tripe. Annika - very nice. As for you Exterus...WTF is your prob? c4 :stare: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carlvsi Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I`m still smiling. :D Thanks Annika. ;) Just what we all needed. ;) B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exterus Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 As for you Exterus...WTF is your prob? I have a different viewpoint on life than you. Is that a problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magestorm Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Everybody's cute! Everybody's cute! Even me. But in purple, I am STUNNING! *Falls face first* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest c4evap Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 As for you Exterus...WTF is your prob? I have a different viewpoint on life than you. Is that a problem? Gee whiz. :stare: Here's a link for you. c4 B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PootyHead Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 As for you Exterus...WTF is your prob? I have a different viewpoint on life than you. Is that a problem? Gee whiz. :stare: Here's a link for you. c4 B) Good one c4. *snork snork* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exterus Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 As for you Exterus...WTF is your prob? I have a different viewpoint on life than you. Is that a problem? Gee whiz. :stare: Here's a link for you. c4 B) I guess that means "yes". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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