jokes

[Rara Avis]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

 

 

I'll tell you later  >:D

 

[Tigerplayer]

How many Swedes does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

 

1001. One to hold the lightbulb, the other 1000 to lift and turn the house around.

 

[flicky1991]

When will I get bored with this thread?

 

 

It already happened.

 

[TDE]

So the President, the smartest man in the world, a student and his teacher are all traveling on a plane together. They are flying of the pacific when all of a sudden they here two large booms.

 

The pilot says over the intercom “The engines have blown up. I have a parachute up here there are other parachutes in the back. I will put the plane on Auto-pilot but that will only work for a few minutes.” Then the pilot jumps out of the plane with a parachute.

 

The President, the smartest man in the world, a student and his teacher all move to the back where they see three bags.

 

The President picks up a parachute and says “I have to run my country.” And then jumps out of the plane.

 

The Smartest man in the world goes picks up a parachute and says “I have to help the president run the country.” Then he jumps out of the plane.

 

The teacher turns to his student and says “I have lived a long life you should take the last parachute.” Why he says this his student is laughing uncontrollably. So the teacher looks at him and says “Why are you laughing? I am giving up my life for you.”

 

The student stops laughing and says “The smartest man in the world just took my backpack.”[br]Posted on: October 11, 2007, 09:35:29 PM

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Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?

 

To get to the other side... er, no... to go shopping... no, not that either... damn it![br]Posted on: October 11, 2007, 09:36:04 PM

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Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?

Father: Sure, son. What's the question?

Son: What is politics?

Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we'll call you “the People.” We'll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?

Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.

 

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.

Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?

Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.

[J-NUKE]

A man walks into his bedroom holding a duck facing forward away from him and his wife is sitting in bed and looks at him.  He says "honey this is the pig I've been sleeping with."  His wife says "Harold, that's a duck."  He turns all red in the face and shouts "I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!"